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Tuesday 24 July 2007

See you in hell Muhamad son of Muhamad!

Taken from Malaysia Today and preserved for posterity:

It seems there is a certain ex-Menteri Besar who made a police report against Malaysia Today and me. This ex-Menteri Besar who has two Muhamads is his name does not have even half the qualities of Prophet Muhamad S.A.W. let alone twice the qualities although he carries two Muhamads in his name.

This is the Muhamad who started life as a schoolteacher but does not speak a word of English. When caught carrying millions of dirty money into Australia, he pleaded ignorance of the English language and was acquitted by the Australian court the crime of smuggling money. What many people failed to realise is that when he resigned as a schoolteacher to contest the general election, the government made a claim of RM80,000 against him because he was on contract and was bound by this contract to serve the government to pay off what he owed.

You see, Malaysia has this unique system of giving underprivileged Malays government loans to further their studies. They must, however, serve the government for a certain period of time once they graduate and if they refuse to do so or resign before the expiry of their contract then they have to pay back the government the amount of their loan. This ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name therefore owed the government RM80,000 and if he did not pay back the amount then he would be denying other Malays the benefit of this money and therefore would in that same process be denying other Malays the benefit of a tertiary education.

This ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name then appealed to the then Minister of Education, Anwar Ibrahim, for exemption from paying back the government the RM80,000 that he owed and Anwar, being the smart politician that he was (or maybe still is, I am not sure of that), waived the rule so that this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name need not pay back the nation the RM80,000 that he owed and which could have gone to other less-fortunate Malays who needed government assistance to further their studies.

What boggles the mind is how this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name could suddenly have millions in his pocket and which he was arrested for as he entered Australia when just barely a few years before that he could not even pay back the government the RM80,000 that he owed and needed Anwar Ibrahim to exempt him from the rule of paying back the money.

This ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name has made a police report against Malaysia Today and me saying that I insulted the Agong and Islam and that I raised racial sentiments which could probably result in racial conflicts in Malaysia. He was of course acting on behalf of Umno and represented Umno as its Information Chief.

It is mind-boggling that this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name would accuse me of insulting the Agong who is also the Sultan of Terengganu when the Agong is my buddy. When the Agong, who is also the Sultan of Terengganu, was merely the Raja Muda of Terengganu, I used to ride horses with him along the beach in Kuala Terengganu. I also made trips to London to meet the Agong who is also the Sultan of Terengganu when he was still just the Raja Muda of Terengganu and a student in London.

The then Raja Muda of Terengganu who is now the Agong and I would drive around London in his Ferrari and together with my sisters and wife would visit the famous London night-spots such as Longfellows where all the action is. When he was back in Kuala Lumpur I would take him to the then famous Tin Mine where we would just sit and talk as he was not a disco-dancer but preferred to just enjoy the music and talk.

Would I insult my long-time friend who is now the Agong when I sembah and kiss his hand and he would withdraw it and refuse to allow me to kiss his hand as he considered me a buddy rather than a subject? This, the ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name did not realise when he made that police report against Malaysia Today and me.

I will offer to make an audience (mengadap) with the Agong who was my buddy since the days he was merely the Raja Muda of Terengganu and if His Royal Highness is of the opinion that I have insulted him then I will subject myself to any form of punishment befitting a subject who has insulted his Agong. Such a punishment befitting the crime of insulting the Agong can include the death sentence and I will walk to the gallows to have my head separated from my body with the dignity of a true subject of the Agong. An Anak Raja Bugis is loyal to his Agong and a true Anak Raja Bugis looks death in the face with the dignity expected of an Anak Raja Bugis. I am not a descendant of Upu Tenribong Daeng Rilaka in vain and I shall not smear the name of my ancestors by avoiding the punishment of insulting his Agong. The Agong is one of the Raja-Raja Melayu and I am more than just an Anak Raja Melayu; I am an Anak Raja Bugis.

This ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name accuses me of insulting the Agong when he himself insulted the late Agong who was the Sultan of Selangor and my uncle. This ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name eloped with the Sultan’s daughter who is also my cousin and secretly married her in Thailand.

When the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor, my uncle, asked this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name whether he (the ex-Menteri Besar with the two Muhamads in his name) had married his (the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor) daughter, this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name denied it. Marrying secretly in Thailand is a crime and one can be punished for it. Furthermore, marrying a woman without the consent of her father goes against Islam and Malay culture and, being a Menteri Besar, this is even more of a no-no. After all, a Menteri Besar is not a man-on-the-street but the head of government of a state. But this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name denied he had married the Sultan’s daughter secretly in Thailand and swore in the name of Allah that the allegation is a lie.

Eventually, this ex-Menteri Besar with the two Muhamads in his name divorced the Sultan of Selangor’s daughter, my cousin, and paid her RM12 million as a divorce settlement. This upset the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor, my uncle, who made a photocopy of the RM12 million cheque. The late Agong and Sultan of Selangor, my uncle, was not upset that his Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name had divorced his daughter, my cousin. He did not mind this. The late Agong and Sultan of Selangor was upset that his Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name had paid his daughter RM12 million as a divorce settlement. The late Agong and Sultan of Selangor then made a photocopy of the cheque and showed it to the Prime Minister, Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad, and demanded to know how a mere Menteri Besar could afford to pay RM12 million as a divorce settlement to his daughter, my cousin. This proves that Selangor has a corrupt Menteri Besar, said the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor, my uncle.

And this is the ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name who made a police report against Malaysia Today and me. This ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name is corrupt, a liar who married the late Agong’s and Sultan of Selangor’s daughter and denied it, and who insulted the Malays and Islam by secretly marrying someone’s daughter in another country without the permission of her father.

But this man is not a mere man-on-the-street. This man was then a Menteri Besar. And this man had two Muhamads in his name. And the woman is not a mere woman-on-the-street. This woman is the daughter of the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor. So this crime of the ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name is ten times worse. And any other man would have been arrested and convicted of the crime of marrying a woman secretly in Thailand. But this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name was not arrested and put on trial. He was also not arrested and put on trial when he paid RM12 million as a divorce settlement and could not explain where he got the money from and how he could afford to pay such an amount on his meagre Menteri Besar’s salary.

I understand that this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name can’t speak English. This is what the Australian court said and this is why the court acquitted him of the crime of smuggling dirty money into Australia. This means he also can’t read English. How this ex-Menteri Besar with two Muhamads in his name managed to figure out that I insulted the Agong in my article is beyond me when I write in English and not in Malay. Umno should have chosen another man who can speak English to make that police report against Malaysia Today and me.

Many people from the media phoned me today to ask me my comments on the police report against Malaysia Today and me. Well, this is my response to that police report against Malaysia Today and me. I would just like to say: go to hell Muhamad the son of Muhamad. You are a disgrace to the Muhamad name. And let me tell you Muhamad the son of Muhamad: you should thank your lucky stars that this is 2007 and not 1907. If this was 1907 instead of 2007 I would challenge you to a duel. It would be a man-to-man, one-to-one duel. It would be a duel to the death with kerises.

But no, I don’t think you would accept my challenge to a duel with kerises. You may have two Muhamads in your name but you have no class. You eloped with the late Agong’s and Sultan of Selangor’s daughter and secretly married her in Thailand. Then you denied it when the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor asked you about it. Only someone with no balls would do this. A man with balls would not deny it. So there is no way you would accept my challenge to a duel with kerises.

I know that when the late Agong and Sultan of Selangor, my uncle, found out that you had in fact married his daughter, my cousin, and that you had lied about it, you arranged for Umno Youth to organise an anti-Sultan demonstration. The late Agong and Sultan of Selangor was very hurt and he cancelled his birthday celebration that year. So that year no datukships were awarded and you had to return the money to all those who had paid you for their datukships.

This act of yours, Muhamad the son of Muhamad, is treasonous. If this was 1907 instead of 2007 you would have been put to death. And you accuse me of insulting the Agong? You committed treason. You can send me to jail if you wish. You would have been put to death if this was 1907 instead of 2007.

But I know why you made that police report against Malaysia Today and me, Muhamad the son of Muhamad. You want to make a political comeback. You want to contest a parliament seat in the next general election. And you want to be made a federal minister when you win that parliament seat. You hope that the present Deputy Prime Minister, Najib Tun Razak, will fall and that you can take his job. That is why you made that police report against Malaysia Today and me, Muhamad the son of Muhamad.

Muhamad the son of Muhamad, see you in hell. And if I go there first I will wait at the gates of hell to greet you on your arrival, Muhamad the son of Muhamad. Ini Anak Raja Bugis bercakap yang mati dengan keris di dalam tangan.

Damn, but I love the passion with which he writes! If only more Malaysians lived their lives that way...

Sunday 15 July 2007

Word Verification

I have no illusions of what Word Verification thinks of me, exactly.

Now I'm into a couple of swear words upon extreme provocation every now and then, which come to think of it, is rather often considering the state of Malaysian affairs.

I digress.

However, the word 'hell' keeps popping up a little too often for comfort.

Not to mention every other metropolitan from Malaysia has a profile on any random social networking site and states his/her location as "kay hell".

Being born and bred in KL, I don't figure this city is all that bad, really. But I could be wrong. :)

Then we have another word that could mean, among others, either a street drug or a foolish and ignorant person.

Neither meanings promote positive feelings, though I'm sure some may beg to differ.

However, I'm fairly certain both words describe certain Malaysian politicians.