Saturday, 17 February 2007

Chastity Belts

So that's what a chastity belt looks like.

It's always nice to know, now that it might become part of our daily attire.

Us women, that is.

Chastity belts are made of iron.

I can't rightly be sure if it's to prevent entry or exit. Perhaps both.

I'm sure that kind of metal is really light. Suitable for women and all. No?

Perhaps then, this would be the shortcut to having us women train as commandos. After wearing a heavy chastity belt 24/7 - heck, we will be SUPERFIT.

Trust me, you certainly do not want any enraged woman butting (pun intended) herself at you. It could flatten you in a bad way.

We will make Arnie Schwartzerneggie look like a snivelling mama's boy.

We will make Sylvester seem like a vestal virgin.

And we will make Steven Seagal weep in shame at his effeminate physique.

"So what's jumpin' yer ass, Crankshaft?" you ask.

"Nice of you to inquire, but nothing much," I'll say. Just thinking about the friendly advice to women to help thwart rape and incest which are just SO rampant nowadays.

The chastity belts purportedly protect victims and help reduce sex crime rate. Uh huh. Ya think?

Now where can we get some nice, designer chastity belts - maybe Armani, Versace, Guess? Can we commission them to get started on the Spring collection?

“We have even come across a number of unusual sex cases, where even senior citizens and children are not spared. The best way to avert sex perpetrators is to wear protection,” our local rape expert suggests.

“My intention is not to offend women but to safeguard them from sex maniacs. Probably, this is the best way,” he said.

I'm sure it is, chief. I bow in humble adoration for thy unfathomable wisdom.

“Besides, husbands could also feel more secure, if you know what I mean,” he added.

Yeah. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.