Sure, our politicians tend to serve up quite a full-course, with a menu none can surpass.
For appetizers, we had sizzling snacks of C4, SD and PI. (Abbreviations are in vogue. Get with the programme.)
Then we were treated to a new brand of instant noodles called SodoMee which was unfortunately flung around, akin to how my classmates and I used to play with food in the school canteen - back in the 80s and 90s.
For dessert, we were treated to Turkish delight, which was a rather brief and simple affair, I must admit. I won't even get into the subject of Hershey's.
What any citizen wants and needs in its political candidates is credibility. But you and I know that our Malaysian politicians have completely lost it.
So we turn to our British counterparts, to seek direction on how to make a point about principle (something sorely lacking in the Malaysian political scene), to start with.
Now there's this dude called David Davis. He's a politician in Yorkshire, which is someplace in northern England where they have strange accents. I hear translators are absolutely essential for effective communication with the rest of the world.
Yorkshire is also known as God's Own County, for reasons probably best left unknown.
Mr Davis' parents really liked the letters D, A, V, I and S, for some reason. They also had limited creativity when it came to bestowing names upon their children. That, I regretfully inform you, is discussion for another day.
Today, I want to bring your attention to a simple but life-changing by-election in Yorkshire. David Davis was the incumbent but he resigned out of principle. Long story. The short version is, he is contesting for the same seat again.
If you thought it was merely a negligible by-election, you're wrong. Unfathomably wrong.
It's a tough fight indeed.
They have such excellent, well-thought-out party manifestos, and such memorably catchy names to go with it. It is about faith, ecology, psychology, and even pathology.
You would only have to listen to their manifestos to be struck by the gravity and profundity of life itself. For instance:
"If elected our candidate would like to see Cherie Blair detained indefinitely in a convent to stop her having sex with Tony and telling us all the boring details."
- Lord Biro of the Church of the Militant Elvis Party
How could you not support a party that is all for conservative morality? One that champions religious places like convents? One which has the words 'church' and 'militant' in the same sentence??
Then we have candidates with deep, soul-searching statements:
"Vote for insanity, you know it makes sense".
- Mad Cow-Girl of Monster Raving Loony Party
I was almost moved to tears. It sounded like a mission statement that Malaysians, collectively, would nod their heads and resolutely believe in.
Finally. Deep in the inner recesses of our mind, and in the very core of our hearts, we knew someone out there would understand us. Even if her name was Mad Cow-Girl.
The small by-election in Yorkshire has even brought out the scientific and intellectually superior individuals among us earthlings. For a thorough perspective on evolution and conspiracy, we have the Green Party.
No, they're not all about recycling.
But they have an intriguing spokesman with some fascinating views:
Earth is controlled by "reptilian humanoids", such as US President George W Bush and former Prime Minister Tony Blair.
- David Icke of the Green Party
He discovered in 1991 that he was the son of God. Unfortunately, there are some really nasty people out there who were skeptical of his brilliant prophesies.
His words of wisdom were sadly met with ridicule and derision. It was a trying time for him and he had to seek reclusion for a while.
If you have trouble believing in David Icke, open up your heart (not literally, please). Pick up a guitar. Sing a flower song. Refrain from having a shower for 37 days. Go live in a commune.
The truth shall set you free.
But Yorkshire, in spite of being God's Own County, has shown the finger to the son of God, the militant rock-n-roll church, and the mad-cow girl - though not necessarily in that order.
This morning, to my chagrin, the Grauniad announced that David Davis had claimed a "stunning victory".
I still hold the hope, fleeting as it is, that one day we will see the calibre of political candidates that the UK boasts.
Till then... we have sodomy.