Of Acting Like A Woman

It's a really good thing I'm not Muslim. Otherwise, my very existence would be the reason for lots of overtime on the part of the Malaysian religious authorities.

In their latest spate of brilliance, Islamic clerics in Malaysia have ruled to ban tomboys:

Malaysia's main body of Islamic clerics has issued an edict banning tomboys in the Muslim-majority country, ruling that girls who act like boys violate the tenets of Islam, an official said Friday.

The National Fatwa Council forbade the practice of girls behaving or dressing like boys during a meeting Thursday in northern Malaysia, said Harussani Idris Zakaria, the mufti of northern Perak state, who attended the gathering.

Harussani said an increasing number of Malaysian girls behave like tomboys, and that some of them engage in homosexuality. Homosexuality is not explicitly banned in Malaysia, but it is effectively illegal under a law that prohibits sex acts "against the order of nature."

Harussani said the council's ruling was not legally binding because it has not been passed into law, but that tomboys should be banned because their actions are immoral.

"It doesn't matter if it's a law or not. When it's wrong, it's wrong. It is a sin," Harussani told The Associated Press. "Tomboy (behavior) is forbidden in Islam."

Under the edict, girls are forbidden to sport short hair and dress, walk and act like boys, Harussani said. Boys should also not act like girls, he said.

"They must respect God. God created them as boys, they must behave like boys. God created them as girls, they must act like girls," he said.

Now I'm really not the authority on how girls should act.

My ex-colleague Lisa and I once made a pact to wear a skirt to work on one day of the year. We got a kick out of seeing the facial expressions of our male colleagues. :)


Alright, maybe not that particular skirt. :) Something more proper. *ahem*

Those are Mastercard moments, I'm telling ya!!

But seriously, more often than not, I'm seen wearing what our esteemed religious authorities would refer to as "men's clothes". I wear slacks to work and when I'm chilling out with friends, I'm usually in a comfortable pair of jeans.

Not only that, I'm nearly always spotted wearing lipstick (frankly, because I like looking hot) and high heels (well, because if the truth be told, I'm vertically challenged *sniff*).

You and I know what other Muslim authorities feel about lipstick and high-heeled shoes.

It's confusing how they can't get their edicts straight. And sometimes, you just can't win.

But it reminds me of the chorus of this old Blur song:

GIRLS WHO ARE BOYS
WHO LIKE BOYS TO BE GIRLS
WHO DO BOYS LIKE THEY'RE GIRLS
WHO DO GIRLS LIKE THEY'RE BOYS
ALWAYS SHOULD BE SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOVE

The Dress Code Issue Resurfaces

I didn't want to steamroll my way into criticising the PAS government in Kelantan for its religiously misogynistic ways, so I held out for a while.

Firstly, the eagerness of our tabloids (masked as mainstream media) to spread slime on any party that belongs to Pakatan Rakyat is evident.

I am with Helen Ang when she says that the MSM relishes painting the Kelantan authorities in the most narrow-minded light whenever the opportunity arises.

I am in no hurry to rise to the bait of the rabidly pro-BN media.

Secondly, if the truth be told, I actually have a soft spot for the PAS administration, which is relatively free of corruption (from my observation, though I may be wrong) and to a certain extent, sincere (though grossly misguided).

'Sincere' is generally not a term I use to describe governments.

But I have to admit, when it comes to the issue of women, the PAS government has some serious issues.

This is not the first time PAS has tried to impose its interpretation of Islam on women. Sometime back, the random woman on the street ran the risk of being slapped with a RM500 compound fine if she was not "dressed decently".

And the requirements are getting stricter.

I have inadvertently documented some of the occasions as they crop up. It appears that the lipstick issue is not new.

But I don't recall hearing of this law that stipulates that women should not wear high-heeled shoes that make a sound when they walk.

PAS must take noise pollution very seriously. Otherwise, why would anyone go through the trouble of making sure footsteps cannot be heard? At least, that is what I presume, since PAS makes an allowance for high-heeled shoes with rubber soles.

When I was a kid, there was a saying I was constantly being reminded that, "Children should be seen and not heard."

PAS has gratuitously, though unintentionally, invented a phrase applicable to the fairer sex: "Women should not be seen or heard at all."

Someone is under the impression that the presence of a woman is enough to evoke a man to have his wicked way with her.

That's what it seems like anyway, because every other man and his dog are falling over themselves to dispense advice to women on how to thwart rape and incest.

Believe it or not, one rocket scientist actually suggested the use of chastity belts to safeguard women from sex maniacs.

It's not just the average jane on the street that PAS insists on controlling. Performers and celebrities are not spared. Recently, the presence of Ella and Mas Idayu at a sports event was protested by PAS youth.

Apparently, these two female singers are capable of ruining impressionable young minds by their un-Islamic dressing. Meaning: They forgot their grey burqas.

So it makes one conclude; those living under the PAS government's rules and regulations must live highly pious and godly lives, right?

Ha! Ya think?

Do you have any idea what the top internet keyword search in PAS-dominated Kelantan is? Gambar bogel.

That's right folks, our holy-joes are furiously tapping out searches for new porn sites and pictures in the privacy of their homes (or internet cafe cubicles).

Which goes to show that while one may make numerous attempts to treat the syndrome (in this case, the women) the actual cure can only be effected when you get to the root of the problem.

The problem being, sex-obsessed men.

Polygamy And Dress Codes

I thought this was a spectacularly hysterical opinion in Malay Mail! :)

It addresses 2 main courses of discussion I was planning on bringing up and serves them up in 1 page with a side order of dripping sarcasm.

Speakeasy > Ibrahim and the pleasures of polygamy
by S. Jayasankaran

THE Member of Parliament for Kelantan’s Pasir Mas, Datuk Ibrahim Ali, was a rational thinker who worried deeply about things like marital problems and divorce. So he proposed to Parliament that Muslim women be taught to accept polygamy in order to avoid these evils.

Men, he explained in dulcet tones, “just want to have fun”.

It was a deeply insightful remark which warmed the hearts of Mormons the world over but left Marina Mahathir cold because she thought that Ibrahim was descending to new lows even by his own standards.

Actually, Ibrahim was a humble man with much to be humble about and he knew that to succeed in politics it was often necessary to rise above one’s principles. That was why he generally got a rise out of people by switching political parties so often that it left them bewildered. It was simple: if you could not convince people, you confused them.

The politician was an independent lawmaker who was dependent on Parti Islam SeMalaysia, or Pas, to make it into Parliament but independent enough to bite the hand that fed him.

Still, he was a conscientious parliamentarian who always missed a chance to keep quiet but never underestimated the power of less-than-intelligent people in large groups, urging them to unite because they had nothing to lose “but their IQs.”

“By Ibrahim,” whistled the Zimbabwean president admiringly. He was moved to tears by the eloquence of Ibrahim and felt compelled to offer the canny politician Zimbabwean citizenship, the highest honour ever bestowed on canny politicians the world over.

“Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin,” replied Ibrahim for, firstly, he had three chins and, secondly, because he was a self-effacing man with much to be self-effacing about.

Munirah Bahari, the vice president of the National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia, didn’t agree with that sort of transparency because she thought there was too much of it in schools already.

She firmly believed that schoolgirls wore alluring outfits that “were a distraction to men” which, if left unchecked “could lead to babies born out of wedlock and, to an extent, even prostitution”.

It was staggering logic that floored Marina Mahathir but Ms Munirah knew that Malaysian men were a serial-raping, handbag snatching bunch of miscreants who vacillated between the English Premier League and ‘keris’- waving in fits and starts, which only proved that they had to be protected from themselves and their penchant for hanging around schools to ogle children.

Ibrahim sympathised and thought that the answer lay in teaching women to appreciate the pleasures of polygamy. He was a self-taught, well-read man who rued the fact that his library had recently burned down, which meant that he’d lost both books, one of which he hadn’t finished colouring.

Ibrahim told Parliament that marital problems came about because women could not accept polygamy, so, “from a preventive point of view”, what was needed was “a big campaign” to educate them. It was a bold and far-reaching statement that gladdened the hearts of Ogilvy & Mather staffers who thought that Ibrahim was, indeed, worthy of Zimbabwean citizenship.

Ms Marina agreed because she realised that Ibrahim was unique, just like everyone else, and that he was a meek fellow with much to be meek about. She didn’t blame him one bit either because she realised that… he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.

Beyonce Shows Malaysia The Finger

And rightfully so.

If we want to have foreign artistes in our shores, we have no bloody right to set up a dress code for them.

And so I went through the trouble of finding the sexiest shot I could find of her. Great body, methinks. :)

BBC states that the official guidelines about performances in Malaysia require female artists to cover up from the top of the chest to the knees. Performers are also forbidden from jumping, shouting or embracing members of the audience.

Now that sounds a little sensationalised, but BBC could probably get away with it because we do and say stupid things anyway. So what's a bit of embellished news to us?

But I still cannot fathom why Gwen Stefani adhered to those dress codes. She didn't have to.

Activists had earlier called for her gig to be cancelled, owing to "fears" that her raunchy costumes could "corrupt" the country's youth.

For the information of those activists in question, the country's youth is ALREADY corrupted. Please refer to all those home videos of girls flinging off their tudungs in parks to do the horizontal tango with their boyfriends. It should be evidence enough.

And I doubt those moves were taught by raunchy western foreign artistes with "low moral values".

Do you have any idea what the top internet keyword search in Kelantan and Terengganu is? Gambar bogel.

So don't preach to me about tainting the minds of impressionable youth.